Inflation Runs Rampant — Squirrels Blame Fat Cats

Tom Woof reports on the national inflation crisis

Byline: Tom Woof, Senior Correspondent, DBC.News, Barkovia Bureau

BARKOVIA —The economy has spiraled into chaos this week as inflation hit a record high, causing widespread distress among the working tails of the city. Nuts, cheese wheels, and sardine tins are now fetching five times their usual price, forcing squirrels, field mice, and alley cats into an uneasy alliance at the weekly Barkovia Market.

“I used to buy a whole stash of acorns for one mew,” said Squeaky Nutters, a third-generation tree dweller. “Now I can barely get a shell. This ain’t natural. Someone’s hoarding.”

Meanwhile, corporate Fat Cats — literally — have reported record quarterly profits. CEO Purrgus Meowgan of Catnip Corp denied any wrongdoing:

“We’re not raising prices,” he purrred silkily. “We’re simply adjusting to the market purrssure. Supply chain snarls, global pawlitics, and nap shortages are to blame — not us.”

In protest, the United Pawletariat of Rodentia marched downtown, carrying signs that read “Whiskers Up, Prices Down!” and “Eat the Rich — But Only If Organic!”

A rogue faction known as The Squirrelutionaries called for redistributive action, raiding nut vaults and redistributing them via drone drops over the poorer branches of Barkovia.

“Inflation is theft, and theft must be met with nut-justice,” shouted Crackle Twitchnose, masked in a balaclava and wielding a peanut slingshot.

angry squirrel hording nuts

Meanwhile, the Barkovia Central Burrow (BCB) announced they would raise sniff rates to combat inflation — a move that critics say may only depress small burrow lending and bone investment.

“Raising rates won’t fix the fact that a can of tuna now costs twelve clams,” barked economist Professor Ruffalo Snoutstein.“We need real reform — price ceilings on caviar and a clawback tax on yacht-sized scratching posts.”

📊 At a Glance:

• Sardine Index: Up 340%

• Nut Futures: Unstable

• Kibble Standard: Devalued

• Public Mood: Growling

More updates as this story develops. Meanwhile, tune in tonight for our panel debate:“Is Meowphia Controlling the Cheese Supply?”Moderated by Ferret Factfinder, with guest analyst Princess Whiskerella.