New Study Confirms Pet Therapy Reduces Post-Crisis Stress in Hoomans

Following global climate disasters and ongoing conflict in the Squirrel Isles, Barkovian researchers have found that therapeutic cuddle sessions with trained Emotional Support Cats (ESCs) reduce cortisol levels by 78%. Patients in war-affected zones like East Pawlestine and the Meownited Kingdom reported fewer panic paws and more restorative naps. The Feline Institute of Peace is now lobbying for global cuddle corridors to be protected under the Clawneva Convention.

We, Barkovians state that this has always been known and that Meowtopian scientists are clawing up the wrong tree. Data shows that Dogs have always been hooman's best friend....